Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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