All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
