I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
