maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
