i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
