I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
