And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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