Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
