My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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