i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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