Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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