thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
