How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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