There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
