The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
