She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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