Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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