Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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