Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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