Someone shit on the floor
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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