the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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