tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
