I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think i have herpe
just one?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
