my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
