Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
