Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
