I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
