I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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