My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
