what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
