my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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