the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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