I just made out with a guy for $7.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
