The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
