Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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