dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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