We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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