Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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