he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
