No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
