Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize