If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
