Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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