I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
