I wish you could order shots online.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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