508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
