you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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