everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
