a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What drink are we having for lunch?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
