Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
