The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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