You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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