So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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