just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
