New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
