Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize