You're earring is so big in my mouth
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I have vodka in my lungs
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
