I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
