I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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