After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
