Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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