we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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