We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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