Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
