Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dear god my vagina.
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