Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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