my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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