worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
